Her Movement Arose
- Dana Armstrong
- Mar 8, 2021
- 9 min read
Updated: Oct 31, 2024
Tracking #MeToo through The Bachelor and William & Mary
By: Dana Armstrong '21
Originally published in the DSJ's December 2018 issue
Revised in 2019
*Content Warning: sexual harassment*
Yes, it’s true. Much to my horror and guilt, I was indeed one of the roughly 7.9 million people who tuned into the highly controversial season finale of The Bachelor all the way back in March of 2018.
Why am I bringing back ancient pop culture history, you ask? Well, (1) I’m still a little mad about it, and (2) the issues it highlighted are still eerily relevant. Like always, I went into the season with high hopes, following along as one man narrowed down 25 different women to one lucky future fiancée. But this season I wasn’t just blinded by my typical short-lived rage of the bachelor proposing to the girl who wasn’t my pick. This time it was worse—far worse—and made me not only further question reality television love, but the cultural norms that women are forced to deal with every day.
The Bachelor Finale (2018)
For those with far more sense than I who did not follow along on this twisted journey for love, here is the summary. The Bachelor’s producers announced Arie Luyendyk Jr., a former Indy racecar driver and runner-up of the 2012 season of The Bachelorette, as the 2018 Bachelor despite his six-year hiatus from the franchise. Early on, the announcement faced backlash from the public as typically one of the most popular contestants from the previous season of The Bachelorette is chosen. Some of the show’s fans barely remembered who he was, while others were eager for his return. But the ultimate narrative throughout the season was that Arie bored the viewers. That is, perhaps, until the finale where he proposed and gave the final rose to Becca Kufrin and then a few weeks later changed his mind and broke off the proposal to pursue his relationship with the runner-up (or now winner?) Lauren Burnham. Believe it or not, the same situation occurred in a previous season, but this time the producers filmed the entire break up with “raw, unedited” footage.
If the breakup and switch up were simply announced on the “After the Final Rose” like on former Bachelor Jason Mesnick’s season, I and likely the rest of America would have moved on. However, Arie had the audacity to first inform the show’s producers instead of his betrothed about his plan to end the engagement and proceeded to have the show film the breakup without warning Becca. On top of that, Arie treated Becca horribly during the break up process. It all began with a knock on the door and an affectionate hug and quickly digressed into a tense and teary stand-off.
It did not take long for Arie to jump into his decision, stating with a stone-cold façade that “the more [he] hung out with [Becca], the more [he] felt like [he] was losing the possibility of maybe reconciling things with Lauren.”
Becca met the scathing statement with a justified, “Are you f—ing kidding me?”
After unsuccessfully trying to coax more information out of Arie, Becca got up and left to process the news on her own. However, instead of leaving her be, Arie followed her and tried to talk to her more, even though he clearly had nothing meaningful to say. He looked like he was waiting for her to validate his decision in some way or, for some reason, for her to apologize to him.
She repeatedly told him to leave as he followed her into different rooms and blocked doorways, and he did…for only a couple of minutes before doubling back from the car to try to talk to her further. He reached out to console her, and she was forced to tell him to not touch her and reiterate her plea for him to leave. He proceeded to sit back on the couch for many awkward minutes while she angrily and confusedly cried in a bathroom. From The Bachelor’s studio audience and at home audience, the cries of agitation crescendoed.
Many viewers reprimanded Arie’s domineering behavior, questioned the morality of filming and showing the entire break-up, and tweeted about screaming at their televisions for Arie to leave Becca be. Outcries of support followed Becca for dealing with the situation so elegantly—fans even donated money to Becca’s Venmo account as a post-breakup drinking fund (which she graciously donated to the charity Stand Up to Cancer instead).
In more extreme actions, 17 billboards supporting Becca were displayed in Minneapolis, New York City, and Los Angeles, one of them proclaiming “ARIE…NOT OKAY, JUST LEAVE.” The representative of Becca’s home district, 56A, even proposed a bill to the Minnesota state legislature to ban Arie from the state. Its first (and only) section, 1.512, was appropriately titled “Freedom from Arie Luyendyk, Jr.” in which the representative declared that “every person in the state has a right to live free from the presence of Arie.”
Never before had a Bachelor finale caused so much conversation, and, fortunately, it all led to the important broader discussions of manipulation, sexual harassment, and sexual violence.
Regardless of ongoing jokes about the artificiality of reality television shows such as The Bachelor, it is hard to question the reality of this break-up. For once, reality television represented many of the telltale signs of manipulation that, when left undetected, could lead to much scarier situations of sexual harassment and assault.
We live in a culture where many (but certainly not all) men refuse to take women’s words for an answer. If we say no, they make it their mission to turn it into a yes. If we tell them to leave they, like Arie, try to justify the benefits of them staying. On top of that, if we do not agree with them, we are singled out as the ones at fault and are expected to apologize, accept their apology, or even both. After all, aren’t these some of the main behaviors trying to be corrected by the #MeToo movement?
The #MeToo Movement
The movement to end sexual harassment and violence took America by storm in late 2017 and into 2018. Although Tarana Burke started it in 2006, the movement became viral after actress Alyssa Milano’s tweet encouraging women who had experienced sexual violence or harassment to reply “me too”. After that, more and more women came forth to share their stories. It became such a phenomenon that TIME magazine announced these “Silence Breakers” as the 2017 People of the Year.
But the movement didn’t end there; it was further popularized by the offshoot movement Time’s Up. Several Hollywood actresses started this branch following the Harvey Weinstein scandal to specifically deal with sexual violence in the workplace. For a while, it seemed as if a trend on Twitter for any male actor’s name was a call-out for past nonconsensual sexual behavior. In response, pins and black formal wear were seen gracing the red carpets of multiple awards shows. Finally, after centuries of silence, the floodgates of a much-needed conversation were opening.
On March 13, 2019, the #MeToo movement’s founder, Tarana Burke, came to William & Mary and spoke with students about ways to open up more discussions about sexual assault and harassment. She encouraged students to organize, specifically by bringing together diverse clubs to discuss what they have experienced on our campus and what can be done to bring about change.
Burke repeatedly emphasized that the #MeToo movement is “everyone’s movement,” not exclusive to a certain race, class, or religion and welcoming to both survivors and allies. If groups like a sorority chapter and a Black Lives Matter chapter could come together to have an intimate discussion about sexual misconduct on our campus, they may find that their experiences are more similar than what they may initially think.
Additionally, Burke reminded students how crucial it is to support survivors. You should never pressure any survivor to tell their story if they don’t want to. Instead, Burke says, “You should ask them ‘how can I best help you?’”
History of Women at William & Mary
The Bachelor finale and the #MeToo movement provide valuable insight for the William & Mary community. As we celebrate the 100-year anniversary of co-education at the College and welcome our first female president, Katherine Rowe, these lessons could not be discussed at a better time.
Our history of male privilege runs deep, and despite the school’s all-important inclusion of women in 1918, the progress should be taken with a grain of salt. Ultimately, the College’s financial crisis in the midst of World War I sparked the decision to allow the enrollment of women. With so many college-age males fighting in the war, enrollment was significantly lower, and therefore less tuition money was available to fund the College. Facing the prospect of closure, the College decided in 1917 that they would extend the opportunity of enrollment to women in a last-ditch effort to stay open. The following year, 24 white women from wealthy families enrolled, both saving the College from its financial demise and pioneering co-education in Virginia public universities. (Though it is worth noting that Oberlin, the first college to co-educate, made the same decision 85 years earlier.)
At first, the decision to accept women at William & Mary was not widely accepted. The 1918 edition of the school’s Colonial Echo yearbook featured the scathing comment that the all-male graduating class of 1918 was “the last class to graduate from the old college before it [was] defiled by co-education”.
Additionally, the original 24 women were initially banned from participating in a majority of the school’s activities, forcing them to create their own intramural athletic events and student government. Very slowly, the college became more inclusive, allowing women into previously all-male organizations, accepting its first Asian-American female student in 1937, and its first three African-American female students (and African-American students in general) in 1967.
Today, women have thankfully moved past having to prove their worth to be able to study and participate in activities at the College, but we still have more to do. The laminated posters providing information on sexual assault may be displayed prominently on many of the bathroom stall doors of our school, but the issues of sexual harassment and overbearing manipulation still need to be discussed and overcome.
The evidence can be seen both explicitly and subtly. In November of 2017, all of the fraternity houses on William & Mary’s Ukrop Way were vandalized with the words “rape” and “rapists” spray-painted in red. Although the truth of the graffitied words can not be entirely confirmed, the fact that someone took the time and effort to make these claims, and other women showed support for the claims suggests that sexual harassment and assault does indeed happen on our campus.
According to the results of William & Mary’s 2017 Sexual Misconduct Climate survey, 71% of female students claimed to have personally experienced at least one form of sexual misconduct (including harassment, stalking, domestic violence, physical sexual violence and non-physical sexual violence). Additionally, females were found to have experienced misconduct at significantly higher rates than men.
I can attest to these statistics as, even in my own life, I and my fellow female friends at the College have had to deal with males who did not accept or respect our decisions on declining relationships with them. In some of our circumstances, even though we filed Title IX charges against them, the only consequences they received were appointments with the counseling center. We may discuss sexual harassment and assault extensively during our days of freshmen orientation, but beyond those discussions, the conversation is stagnant. This all proves just how crucial it is for our school and the nation at large to promote discussions and education on sexual harassment, assault, and manipulation.
Going Forward: The Final Rose
As far as we have progressed in our 325 years as a college and 242 years as a nation in the area of women’s rights, we still have so much farther to go. Along with keeping up the conversations of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and male manipulation experienced by women, we need to actually reach the point where we can end them. Although bathroom posters about sexual assault are a good starting point, the education and conversations need to extend beyond them.
It is crucial for student organizations to collaborate on discussing sexual misconduct and for individual students to support survivors and intervene in potentially dangerous sexual situations. Additionally, as much as men may be viewed as the main enemy (the likelihood of sexual harassment or violence between two women is much lower but still important to note), it is also essential to understand that men can also be survivors of sexual assault and/or harassment and are our strongest allies. Change cannot occur unless both sides consistently practice mutual respect.
For women and survivors of sexual misconduct and manipulation, times are still difficult but gradually changing. We need to ensure the narratives of combating sexual assault, sexual harassment, and manipulation are visibly carried alongside. So, like Becca Kufrin, become the Bachelorette and take the fate of the final rose into your own hands. Organize your peers, become more cognizant of your practices, and take the time to educate yourself. Transforming the culture can continue through you.
*Note: Originally published in the DSJ's December 2018 issue, revised in 2019.
*Note: The article was republished due to site maintenance. The original publication date is March 8th, 2021.
Comments